Image by: JeffreyJakeLittman Photography
It was a couple weeks ago now that I let my guard down and shared on social media some of the less than ideal feelings that I experience during the transition from Summer to Fall. You see, depression runs in my family, and for a really long time, I didn’t know what that meant exactly. I also didn’t know how it affected me until well into my twenties when I began learning more about my body, gain deeper self-awareness, and ended up in therapy for Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD) or seasonal depression. I was living with my boyfriend, now husband, during one particularly bad episode when, after a number of days, I couldn’t bring myself to shower, leave the house, find joy in any of my regular activities. After several attempts to help me on his own, he was brave enough to tell me he didn’t know how to help any longer. This was a huge flag for me, and I sought professional help at that point.
One of the most challenging things about depression is that it can be hard to name or identify. As someone going through it, being able to name the experience and share it with those around you is nearly impossible—until you really become intimate with it and begin to understand the changes in behavior. For a few years, I couldn’t help myself, I had to rely on those closest to me to identify the differences. I also had to trust that they had my best intentions in mind when pointing out that I needed help.
For me, experiencing depression always feels like I tick differently—life seems to be more challenging to get through than it does for other people. If you find yourself feeling different, in any way, I urge you to seek professional help. I’m forever grateful for the mental health care providers I’ve had throughout the years; without them, I can honestly say that I don’t know where I would be today. Now I know that when these feelings arise, that something isn’t wrong with me, but instead, I need to slow down and go deep with my self-care. Today, I’m sharing a few of the techniques that have proved invaluable to caring for myself during a depressed state.
Loss of Energy + Passion
Sometimes it takes me a few days or even a couple of weeks to notice my behavior change(s). I become more apathetic and move so much slower, physically and mentally. The first thing to go during this stage is my desire to exercise—if you know me, exercise gives me life, so when I no longer want to move my body, I know something is definitely awry. I also find myself feeling more sleepy and tired, no matter how much sleep I may be getting. Overall, I lack the energy and passion for the things that bring me satisfaction regularly.
Dietary Changes
While I don’t have the biggest desire to chef it up in the kitchen, I do notice significant changes in my appetite. I either eat way more or less—I tend to lean toward the more side of things. Couple increased food intake with less activity, and you can imagine what that will do to one’s physique. I quickly find myself packing on lbs. which then compounds the feelings of depression because then I no longer feel good in my body.
Social Interactions
One of the most impactful signs that I am sinking deeper into depression is that I pull away from friends, family, colleagues, and even shy away from general social interactions. As examples, I avoid exchanging pleasantries with store clerks, I’ll cross the street to avoid eye contact with strangers. As a yoga teacher—I’ll do my best to buffer the time before and after class to minimize interactions. This sign is one of the hardest because I begin to feel like a burden on my community. I feel like my presence is heavy and unworthy of interaction.
What does all of this mean? I share because if you’re reading this and experiencing any of these feelings, I urge you to talk to someone, anyone. I hope that mental health care becomes normalized. I believe we need to care for our mental health in the same way that we do for our physical health. We see our doctors annually for physicals, talk openly about injuries, and treat as necessary. We can do the same with mental health. Depression, to me, is a sign of mental injury that requires care, compassion, and treatment.
I love you and will always be here if you need to talk to someone or feel scared about your shifting internal landscape.
With deep love,
Paige
Resources
A dear friend of mine, Amber, and Psychologist at Cognitive & Behavioral Consultants of Westchester and Manhattan shared the following resources should you need help finding a medical professional that you can connect with:
https://locator.apa.org
http://www.findcbt.org/FAT/
https://members.adaa.org/page/FATMain?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
And a guide on how to choose a therapist:
https://www.nami.org/.../The-Key-to-Finding-the-Best-Help
And for kids/teens:
https://effectivechildtherapy.org