Wearing: NUX Active in Knockout Pink // Fun Fact: I was 4 weeks pregnant in this photo!
Being in this suspended state of who I was and what life will hold feels a lot like a dance between mourning and overwhelming abundance; with every emotion on the spectrum heightened as I oscillate between excitement and sadness. Knowing that we are on this adventure into the unknown is exhilarating and terrifying. How are we supposed to sort through all of these emotions in the short gestation window of nine months? Is that even possible?
The other day, after a beautiful walk along the coast, I found myself relaxing on the couch with a good book (full disclosure: dystopian novels are my favorite) while Benny was firmly cuddled next to my belly and I had this moment of realization—these quiet times will be a thing of the past. Gone will be the days of lying on the couch, cuddling my first (fur) baby, completely uninterrupted. As soon as the realization hit, the tears began to flow freely; I cried for Benny and the idea that he will no longer be our only baby, because I don’t know what slow Sundays will look like, or if I’ll be able to find quiet moments alone when a tiny human is so reliant on Justin and me. It’s a stark contrast to the love and possibility that I feel blooming inside of me.
This balance between what was and what is to-be is so present in nearly everything I do these days. Being aware of shedding the previous version of myself is a wild journey. We aren’t often gifted the opportunity to bear witness to our change in real-time, it’s usually realized by looking back. Instead, pregnancy is ever present. Often overwhelming, it’s a lot to come to terms with, to bear witness to changes whether you feel ready or not. This presence brings a gift, however. I find myself savoring the quiet and in-between more often. I feel as if I’m able to hold onto these last moments of being so fully and entirely alone because they are limited. I laugh louder, cry harder, and connect more deeply. Everything is softer.
I encourage you to find presence, to allow room for simply being. Take stock of the life you have created and settle into it, even for just a few moments or over the span of entire weekend.
With deep love,
Paige